Grief is one of the most universal human experiences, yet it remains deeply personal and often misunderstood. Whether you are navigating your own loss or supporting someone who is grieving, understanding what grief looks like and how to respond can make a meaningful difference.
What Is Grief?
Grief is a natural response to loss. It is not a problem to be solved or an illness to be cured- it is a process to be experienced. Everyone grieves differently, and there is no "right" timeline or way to feel.
While we often associate grief with death, it can arise from many types of loss: the end of a relationship or divorce, loss of a job or career, changes in health or independence, moving away from home or community, loss of a dream or future you had planned, or the death of a pet.
Common Experiences of Grief
Grief affects people in many different ways. There is no right or wrong way to feel. Some of the most common experiences include shock and numbness (often the first reaction, where people describe "being in a daze"), overwhelming sadness with lots of crying, tiredness or exhaustion, anger towards the person lost or the reason for the loss, and guilt about things said or unsaid, or about not being able to prevent the loss.
These feelings may not be present all the time, and powerful emotions may appear unexpectedly.
The Stages of Grief
Some research suggests there are five stages of grief: Denial (feelings of shock, disbelief, panic, or confusion), Anger (blaming yourself or others), Depression (feeling tired, hopeless, helpless, or isolated), Bargaining (guilt and questions like "If only I had done more"), and Acceptance (not liking the situation, but accepting the loss and being ready to move forward).
It is important to understand that these stages do not always happen in order. You may not experience all of them, and you may not move smoothly between them. Grief can feel chaotic and out of control- but over time, these feelings do become less intense.
Physical Symptoms of Grief
Grief does not only affect us emotionally. It can also manifest physically through difficulty sleeping or sleeping too much, changes in appetite, lowered immunity, fatigue and low energy, and aches, pains, or heaviness in the body.
What Can Help
If you are grieving, there are things you can try that may help. Talk to someone you trust- a friend, family member, or counsellor. Set small, achievable goals. Focus on what you can control. Consider peer support, where people use their experiences to help each other.
At the same time, try not to focus on the things you cannot change. Avoid using alcohol, cigarettes, gambling, or drugs to relieve grief- these can all contribute to poor mental health.
When to Seek Additional Support
Consider reaching out for professional help if you are struggling to carry out daily activities, you feel stuck in intense grief for an extended period, you are having thoughts of self-harm, or you are relying on alcohol or substances to cope.
How to Support Someone Who Is Grieving
If someone you care about is grieving, your support can make a real difference. Here are some ways to help:
Don't assign positive meaning to their loss. Avoid saying things like "Time will heal" or projecting a better future too soon. This can minimise their current pain. Stay in the moment with them.
Follow the grieving person's lead. Be an attentive listener. Let them take the conversation where it needs to go, and make room for silence- don't rush to fill it. Sometimes they just need someone to sit with them, no words required.
Use the name of their loved one. Say "Ann," not "your sister." Speaking the person's name validates their life and helps keep their memory alive. Don't be afraid to mention them- grievers often want to talk.
Refrain from platitudes. Avoid phrases like "They're in a better place," "Everything happens for a reason," or "Time heals all things." These rarely comfort and are often remembered for the wrong reasons.
Never say "At least..." Comparing losses or imagining how things could have been worse shifts the focus away from the griever. Don't say "I know how you feel"—you don't. Resist the urge to fill silence with empty words.
Be open to any emotion. Grief can show up as anger, silence, crying, pacing, shouting, or needing to be held. Allow whatever emotion arises without judgement. Never tell someone not to feel what they are feeling.
Remember anniversaries. Mark the birthday of the person who died and the anniversary of their death. A simple message lets the griever know they are not alone in remembering.
You Are Not Alone
Grief does not have an expiration date. Be patient with yourself—and if you are supporting someone else, be patient with them too.
At HospiVision, we provide spiritual care, counselling, and psychosocial support to patients and families in public hospitals across South Africa. If you or someone you know needs support, we are here to help.
Support is available. You are not alone.
